Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday...GAH

Just so we are clear from the gate.. I NEVER. I mean EVER. Go shopping on black friday. I loath shopping. Not just dislike, loath. But. This year. It was a must. The Christmas present (to be named later because he knows I have a blog) I needed to get my 12 yr old son, was on sale. 60 dollars off! That's a lot for a single mom/gal like me.

My brother, Troy,AKA "the muscle" said he would go with me but he wouldn't be happy about it. Thank God, he did. That ginormous thing weighed over 200 lbs. I think I have a hernia. Srsly.

Our plan? Divide and conquer. An "action isle" away was the cutest vacuum for only 28 bucks. In pink, blue or green. I know! Right! Cuteness!

How the day began actually starts with the night. I, in my infinite wisdom, did not go to sleep until midnight. At 3:22 AM. Yes! AM! My brother woke me up. He gets up that early everyday to go to work at the VIT. Needless to say, I, unenthusiastically, crawled out of bed and stumbled down the stairs to the bathroom. Thinking the whole time that, maybe, the 60 dollars was so not worth the loss of sleep. But when you say you are going to do something, you should always do it. After a condensed morning routine. We headed to WalMart. Because I am too cheap to shop anywhere else. Not that there is a huge selection of department stores in Walla Walla, Washington.

At 4 am, my brother and I had staked claim to the *present not to be named*. Much like the early Americans in the great land rush. Exactly like that only way different. We were standing there conversing with 2 other men. They were telling stories about "Black Friday" sales of old. The one I remember went something like this.

Old man speaks. "A few years ago, we were lined up outside because back then WalMart was closed. I remember we had been there for two hours already when a women came to line and tried to make her way to the front. Someone shouted, "Hey! There is a line for a reason you know?" The new arrival said, "I know. But I am disabled." Then the women that shouted, still wearing her pajamas barked, I don't care WHAT you are! Get in line lady".

I didn't say it was a nice story. Just was funny in a pathetic kind of way. It's not the end of the world if you don't get what you came for. It's a gamble. I didn't expect the "competition" side of it though. As the minutes ticked past. I turned to my brother and said time to divide? He said "yep". He's a man of few words, that brother of mine. Before I went to lay claim to my vacuum. I whispered, "Roll up your sleeves and put your 'Grr' face on." You see, my brother has his arms "sleeved" with Tattoos.

We were texting back and fourth until about 4:45 AM PEOPLE. Then the flood gates opened and people poured into the isles. He wrote me a final text. And I Quote..."Get the vacuum. I got the *present not to be named* and the shop vac. I'll meet you up front. You got the plan. No more texting. It's Showtime!" I *heart* him.

At 5AM. The black shrink wrap was devoured us consumers and chaos ensued. I did help the lady I had be talking to find a green vacuum. I started to head to where I left my brother when I got a text. Come on! it read. He was already up front. I asked if he helped the old man get one of the *presents not to be named* and he said, "Are you crazy!? He one pulled down when I did. He was trying to get two." I asked, "Well how many people were there?" His answer. "More then there was *presents*." We got to the cash register. No waiting. In and out. Woo-to-the-hoo! We were VICTORIOUS!

After we hid everything from the kids I went inside and curled up with my iTouch searching through the movie channels. Found Footloose on. Hence the chosen video above. After watching and having 80's fashion flashbacks. I packed for my trip right after work to see my Dad in Spokane. (about 3 hours from here)I got in the shower. Stayed too long, again. And arrived at my desk at 9

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Ding Ding! In various ways

In which I have an idea or two...

I always have songs spinning in my head. It's amazing how I even think original thoughts at all. Srsly! This morning. ABBA. That's right! And then as the day progresses, more out-of-nowhere songs pop in. "Come on ride the train. Choo-Choo. Ride it!" That song was never even in the air waves this morning. WTF?

Then I was trying to find Selena Cross - I'm Not Lost (because it's beautiful...DUH) and it hit me. Maybe I should blog my-favorite-song-of-the-day! WOW! Fantabulous idea, I repeated to myself with a goofy grin. So, hence and what not. HA! That is why there is now a video widget/gadget, whateva, at the top of the page. I must caution you. I have strange and not at all consistent taste in music. I love EVERYTHING!. But I am so unbelievably excited about posting a what's-in-my-head song everyday that I could squeal, just like a lil school girl. I know. I know. It's probably just me that is this excited. Yet. Still. Excited.

Fog As for the secondary, but equally important, ding ding. My headlights! (no boobies was the last post). It was/is very foggy out today. Headlights required kind of fog. Of course. I sometimes, almost always, leave a tad-bit late. I arrive in the parking lot, grab my gear. You know, drink. Smokes. Chargers for the cell and the iTouch, delicious toy. Arms full of goodness as I try to exit the vehicle. It is then that the DING DING commanded my attention and alerted me. Saying calmly, Hey Dillhole! You forgot your lights AGAIN!!!

Today. I am thankful for the DING DING(s) in my life.

In other news... Mush gave me a blanket of bubble wrap. Yay! for bubblewrap.
Blanket o' BubbleWrap

Monday, November 24, 2008

Lost the fight with gravity

In which I talk about boobies and not in a good way....

It all started with a shower. I *heart* morning showers. I play the radio and make it an event.
Gets the day off right. Then, I step out. OMG! Why, oh why, is the a mirror directly across from the shower? Whose design choice was that? I think I might have to change the log to the "ask if you want to proceed" type. Give everyone the chance to avoid this entire post.

Anyway, I am 33 rounding the corner to 34 AND I have 2 kids. Things have happened. Like the location and size of my ass! Not only did it fall but it widened. A great deal. As if that weren't enough! WTF happened to my boobs? They used to be round and perky and positioned proper. NOW. They hang and I don't know that I can actually see my nipples when looking "head on". If someone asked for a picture of them. I am fairly certain, I would have to place the camera on the ground below me pointed up.

As if on queue, Cher "If I could turn back time" played on the "mixed" CD. Thank you Cher! She snapped back from the looking glass. I decided I didn't care. One day, I will have a bring-the-boobies-back fund! Then the girls will be back to how they were at 21.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Super, groovy, cute iTouch!

My new toy

I know what I will be doing this weekend. Because I have a brand. New. Toy. I adore it! It even has my name etched on the back. Which, like Mush said, eliminates the option of pawning. But 8 gigs will probably be enough for me. I do wish there was a place for additional storage though. Still the best present from an employer, EVAR!

That is all. *happy dance and curtsy*

Tragically Lame

I describe and ponder my life...

I know this will be a short post because I'm currently at lunch. I was just wondering a few things. I realize it's all rhetorical but still I must utilize my www as an outlet for what is swimming around in my psyche.

How this topic came to be.... It began yesterday. I was so excited that Survivor was going to be on last night that it became almost sad. Not sad, "I am going to cry" but sad, "I can't believe the intense joy I feel because I actually have something to do tonight." OMGWTF! What has happened?!?!

When did I become a VH1-er when I am the MTV generation? When did curling up with a good book and myself become more appealing then marathon sex with a cute guy? When did my idea of a good time turn into Sunday Cosmic bowling instead of my favorite bar on Friday night. Give Chris a kiss on the cheek after picking up my drink, he already had on the bar waiting for me. Chris always made the vodka nectarean. Then I would shake my sugar-foot all night long.

It's not that I mourn my party days. I'm actually content being a Mommy. I just wonder about the time-line. When did I become the oldest 33 year old, I know?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

And the Golden Tampon goes to......

Holy addlepates, Batman!

Main Entry: moron
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: stupid person
Synonyms: addlepate, blockhead*, boob*, dimwit, dingbat, dolt, dope*,
dork, dumbbell*, dummy*, dunce, fool, half wit, idiot,
ignoramus, imbecile, lamebrain*, loony*, loser*, mental defective, nerd*, simpleton

Antonyms: brain

So... I knew today was going to be a little rough because the "boss" is out and that leaves me the sole tech rep for 3 hours. But Usually, Wednesdays are slow. Not the case this morning. *Of course not!* It started out alright. Not too busy. Then the phones dropped. Because we can't have a system that actually works. As I sit on my arse, the calls pile up. Can't answer them, no phone service. The phones come back up and I jump back in the queue. After a couple of minutes, I am swimming along just fine. Calls getting caught up. Then...BAM!! Calls drop again. Gah! VOIP sucks!

Meanwhile, the queue builds. I jump in again... Treading in the deep pool of calls.
Slowly, getting a comfortable grip on the queue. And, you guessed it, down again!

Holy llama piss! For the love of God! What does a girl have to do to have an easy day at work? I realize My co-worker will be in soon, so try not to stress. Then, one more time, we go down! Turns out the VOIP server was over-heating. With cat-like reflexes. They install a new fan and solve our phone trouble. Thank God. Got all but 3 calls handled before Michelle came in. I thought, "We will be good now"! Hell-to-the-no!

My other co-worker, who is in sales, needed me to take a call because he cannot be tied up doing tech support "type things" when there is incoming sales call. He has to make us dollars. My employer doesn't want sales people handling any tech calls. Even though KJ knows far more then I do. So I took the call. And Poor Michelle worked the queue alone. That sucks. I hate leaving someone to work the queue because I am on a long call. BUT... OMFG! This women was a dink! Anything that I said to do she did the opposite! I said left click, she right clicked. I said click here, she clicked there. When I said, "that's incorrect. I said right click on the Winmail.exe notleft click on some random link in your program files. Dumbass!" Oh and by the way, there is not such a thing as "small caps" (unless you are talking about stocks) since "caps" stands for capital letters!!!

The conversation between myself and the id10t went on for about 33.5 minutes. *not that I'm counting* Again, tech queue suffers. After hanging up with her, I had 2 calls from WoW-ers that couldn't log onto their servers. Ah.. Refreshing to talk to someone I do not have to speak stupid to. And yes! I do know I ended that sentence with a

The day did get better. I guess I am just Sally, sore ass today. It is a 10 hour day. I'm tired. So the The Golden Tampon Award goes to me today!! Yay me! For being a crack!

I know what I need. A lemonade and a lil vodka. *maybe 1 part lemonade and 3 parts vodka* Screw it! Pass me the bottle and call it a day!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Runaway....Far, far away....

In which I share one story of bailing on the groom.

Alright, so I have been close to wedded bliss *ha!* a couple of times or 4. But it scares the hell out of me so, I run. Screw the whole "let's sit down and talk like
rational adults about what I am feeling B.S". That is far too logical and mature. Sheesh! That's expecting a little bit much from me! Yes, I am a runaway bride and not in a cool way!
I will tell you the worst of the 4 stories and you will just know that it happened similar to this story. I was with someone, we'll call him "Fred", for about 2 years. We loved each other and "got on" great. I was happy and so was he. Of course, I was only in my very early twenties. So, that gets me some "Ahh, I see" credit. Although the next 3 times, I was older. *Tangent*
Right. Well, I went through the whole "what church, where and when? Whose going to be in the wedding? Where are they going to sit and with whom? Will they all get along? What colors do we want? What kind of cake, traditional or more reflective of us? Where should we have the reception and what kind of food? And the invitations. We settled on teal white for the colors. I went and had the invitations printed. They were
beautiful and 250 dollars. For Cards!" Does that seem okay to people? The stress added up. Until I felt like I was carrying a camel on my back! Then people just kept yacking at me about it. Half the time like I wasn't even in the room. It became a "thing". Like it had a life of it's own. Living, breathing, pulsating monster sitting on my chest until I couldn't breathe. Then, I looked at "Fred". Could I picture my whole, ENTIRE life with this one man? Would I feed him if he couldn't hold his spoon anymore. Because let's face it, we grow older and time marches on! Would I be able to be there, with him FOREVER?!?!
So, in the middle of the night. Just a few days before the wedding. I packed
as much as I could, and my dog, Chelsea into my Datsun 280Z and left town. Drove 2 and a half hours away. Not a goodbye. No note. No phone call. Just split. Showed up at Mom's in the wee hours of the morning. Not crying, relieved. Like I could breathe again.
"Fred" came and found me a couple of months later. Needed
time to "cool down" before seeing my face again. So as not to high five me in it. It wasn't about him though. It was about the life-sucking wedding. The details. The flowers. The church. The Food. The dress. The guests. The placement. The money. The freakin LIFETIME COMMITMENT! GAH! I'm not a headcase
I had to flee. The flight or fight response took over and flight won.
"Fred" and I stayed together a while and even had an "on again, off again" relationship for several years. We even tried to get married another time. With much the same result. There was another man, we'll call him "George". We tried to marry. The story a little different, but the ending the same.
Now, it's not that I think I am a commitment phob. I think it's the stress of all the planning and the details and the money. I am a pretty laid back gal. That is too much for me.
If I am to EVER get married, I think I know the tactic that would need to be deployed. VEGAS! Yes! Let's go to Vegas and get far too intoxicated. Hop in a car (DD in the driver seat of course) and go to a drive-thru chapel with Elvis presiding. There! Done. Srsly! That's the way. Then later. Have a fantastic reception or wedding for everyone to attend. That way, the deed is done no stress.

Or... Or .... OR... show up under my window. In a wicked 80's, trench coat.
Holding a ghetto blaster over your head like John Cusack. Playing "In Your Eyes", exactly like Say Anything!*Swoon*

So the morale of the story.... All little girls really want to get drunk in Vegas and be completely irresponsible. Or perhaps that is just me.

Friday, November 14, 2008

My Geek-dom

In which I further explain how much of a geek I am...

Right. So. Earlier, I believe I called myself a "Mid-level geek" I must correct that statement. I am really a baby geek. I have been teaching myself html and css. I want to learn all that I can so I can just bang out code with a quickness. I have learned quite a bit. The problem is... it's taking forever. Baby steps. I understand more if I can actually do it. Reading about something gives me an idea but doing a thing, that's how I get it. So, strike the Mid-level geek in my description of myself. From time-to-time you will see/read me obsess. Because I AM an obsesser. No shame in it. I own it.

I have also noticed something in myself lately. I think I may dig Michelle. I'm hope I am not SWF-ing her. I believe it's more of a "she is super cool, smart and funny with the added bonuses of being a techie plus she's a ROCKSTAR. It's official I have become her disciple. *heavy sigh. Hangs head.*

Hope she doesn't mace me in the hallway.

In other news... Stonesoup for lunch today. Yay! For soup.

*Next up* Runaway bride stories

Mazda's Revenge

Where I get locked inside my car.

Good morning! On my way to work but needed to share a story. I left work after receiving a text to come to the restaurant, formerly known as the Homestead, for free food. They are practicing for opening night and my step dad is a cook/chef there. So, of course, I went. I had fabulous stuffed mushrooms. They were tasty. Then, I left. Walked the block and a half down the alley and onto the street, where I had to park. I proceeded to get lost for a few minutes (because I have no sense of direction). I, finally, found a familiar road and drove to my favorite gas station to get something to drink.

I had locked the doors because I do that at night when I get into the
car alone. No problem. One would think. However, Christine decided I must remain seated. I couldn't get the door to unlocked. It's electric and it was stuck. I could unlock ALL the other doors just not the drivers side. I could swear, when I tried it shocked me. Now I could have went home and gotten assistance but then there would be no witnesses to my dilemma or stupidity, whichever. I resigned myself to the fact that I could not exit through the driver door. So. I crawled my fat, ass over the center console and out the passenger door. I rounded the car and attempted twice, unsuccessfully, to unlock it with a key. But. The third time. I was TRIUMPHANT! I walked in the store. Purchased my lemonade and camel 99's and went back to
my evil, evil car. Without further incident.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Toilet Paper Incident

An imported blog from Myspace

In which I begin a rant....

Right. So, it's my lunch hour so this will be brief. And yes, I
know, it's nothing significant to bitch about but yet....Bitch I
So, I got off the phone long enough to retreat to the restroom when
what do I discover!!!???

OMFG Yes. That's right! Again!
Apparently. NO ONE in the office knows how to change the roll! So,with cat-like reflexes, I decide to put together a little "How to"...complete with visual aids.
And you, are now subjected to the same.

Step One get a new roll
Step 1: Pick up a new roll. Easy and light, no heavy lifting so a
doctor's note will
not do you any good what-so-ever!

Step 2... Unwrap Step 2:

Unwrap said roll. No other explanation should be required of me here.

Step 3.... Throw the empty one away
Step 3: Throw the empty friggin cardboard holder
and the wrapper from the
new roll away.... Simple enough...
One would think.

Step 4.... Ta effin da!
Step 4: Ta-effin-Da! Place the nice, full, new roll on the
receptacle provided. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is that!
Pretty simple. No power tools needed. No aerobic

And please DO NOT forget this step...
Wash or santinize your hands.
I don't know about you... But I feel better.
I even feel a sense of acomplishment. Too bad
there isn't a category called "just plain ranting and
complaining about a pet peeve." But alas, that
wasn't an option to choose.
I know there are, most likely, typo's and
spelling errors. But as I said it's my lunch hour
and I do not have time to proof read. In an earlier post
I told ya...This is therapy for me, blogging. So from
time-to-time, you will see a post where you will be all
"WTF? Who cares about toilet freakin paper?!" And
I'll be all like "Uh,.... me. Right this second." Then we
will both move on and forget the damn thing.
I know... I know... But I also said before that
I was a total geek. Maybe now, you will believe me.
I would so love to bust out into a list of my pet peeves.
But can't, gotta go. lunch is over.
Remember today's lesson and put it to use. You won't
see or hear it, but there WILL be silent appreciation for your
work. :)~

* Side note*
In EVERY picture I took, I was actually on the toilet.
What does that make me? Is there a word for it?*
HA! Have a good day!

There has to be a first one.

Hi bloggerers! Forgive me for my newbie excitement and possible
lame first post. But I had to at least get started. Like ripping off a
band aid....

I thought I would make an attempt to introduce myself but...
it will not be my life story. If you read...You will get to know me
and my story.

I feel the need to let you know some basics. I exaggerate. I'm a smart ass.
I don't like change in my chaotic routine, that doesn't make sense
to anyone but me. I am a mid-level geek and want to be a SUPER
GEEK someday. I *heart* music. I'm smart but not a genius.
I'm a real "runaway bride* (I will tell you about those stories
someday). I try not to stress on the little things but sometimes
it sneaks up on me. I type like I talk. I don't rehearse, it is what it
is. I tend to go on tangents and sojourns and take you along for the
ride. I sing. Loud. Way off key. But I am still wicked cool. I use
80's slang often. Such as, wicked, killer, sweet, bitchin. I loath math.
It requires logically reasoning and I don't think I am wired to be logical.
*giggle*. I am not a judgemental person, I don't believe. I enjoy the unusual.
People. Places. Conversations. Ideas. And so on. I could go on and on, no need.
You will see who and what I am as time goes by because I dig the blogging thing.

It's like therapy. I don't know yet how hip I am to have all my "dear diary"
ramblings out here on the www for everyone to view, judge, criticize...etc.

Actually, yes, I do. I don't care. I am, who I am and it's good to be me.
I do think of blogging as a journal, of sorts. Some co-workers do it and
I have fallen in love with blogging and reading blogs. Until now,
I have only posted on my social sites. So, it is time to stretch my
wings a tad and enter a new realm of blogging. *happy dance*!
Gah! I am a total nerd.

Right. Well. That's it for now. It's 1:30 in the a.m. and I have to be
up to get the offspring ready for school in the morning and myself to
work, such as it were. Curtsy and i'm out!